No Games. Just Sports.

30 Jul

Woman running during sunset

I am drastically overweight and out of shape. I am about 800lbs overweight. Walking up 2 steps gives me exhaustion that can only be cured with Double Stuff’d Oreos. I congratulate myself when working out by eating a pie.

OK, so I am exaturating…a little bit. Realistically, I need to lose 40-50lbs. I am out of shape. I am always using the excuse that my weight gain is because I just had Lil’ E. He is now 3. I need to either have a new baby, find a better excuse, or just stop whining about my weight and do something about it. I personally feel that option 2 is the best way to go. But, I know that is the lazy girls way and short of having a baby (yeah, right! This womb is closed for business. FOREVER), obviously the best way to go would be to start getting in shape and losing the weight.

I would love to start running. Whenever I see runners, they seem so into it. Like zoned in on what they are doing and lost in their thoughts. These people look so serene and at peace. Very zen. It looks like such a great way to get in shape. So, what is the best way to get started? Have a friend talk you into running a 5K with her in four weeks (GULP).

In 2000, Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson starred in a romantic comedy called What Women Want. The basic story is about a narcissistic chauvinistic ad exec who can read women’s minds because he was zapped by lightning during a drunken cross dressing night. It’s a cute movie. But this is not a movie review. Towards the end of the film, Gibson gives a sales pitch to Nike’s Women Division. Here’s the clip from You Tube (ignore the subtitles on the bottom)

I love this ad. As far as I know, Nike never really used this ad, but I wish they had. It totally makes me feel empowered to start running. There is just one problem. I AM LAZY. Oh yes. I will not mince words here. I can think of 50,000 things I would rather do than run. Here is a short list, in no particular order, of things I would prefer to do instead of taking a jog.

1. Sit on the couch, stuffing my face with chips and guacamole, watching LOST episodes on Netflix.

2. Drink wine.

3. Sit on a bench watching Wal-Mart people.

4. Sit on the floor cleaning my toilet. With my tongue.

5. Sit on the couch, eating Double Stuff’d Oreos, while watching The Goonies on Netflix.

6. Drink wine.

7. Sit and read all about what Brad and Angelina and the time and the color of their morning BM’s, in People magazine.

8. Stick hot shards of glass in my eye.

9. Drink wine.

10. Sit and blog about what I would rather do than run.

I think that sums it up pretty well. Problem is, I am still here, in fattyville, wanting the weight to magically disappear. What to do…

I guess I have no choice here. I must get up from my continuous sitting down position, put down the wine glass (GULP), pull up my big girl underpants (oh yes, they are quite big), and lace up my sneakers. And please, if you do happen to notice me passed out on the side of the road, just give The Dude the heads up.

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