Today, hug your loved ones. And remember, there are those, who cannot. Play outside with your children, today. And remember, there are those, who cannot. Turn the TV off and sit with your family, for dinner, tonight. And remember, there are those, who cannot. Give in to the “One more story”, at bedtime. Kiss your babies and snuggle with them a little bit longer, tonight. And remember, there are those, who cannot. 

GenX Mama

It’s coming… 

       For YEARS, I have wanted to do away with cable. I mean, YEARS! But, everytime I approached the subject, I was beaten to a pulp talked out of it by The Dude and the X kids. We had 200+ channels, yet only watched a handful of them, most shows being watched on network channels, that would be free anyway. But then, when we got DVR service about 8 or 9 years ago, I fell in love! DVR! I could record HOURS of crap and watch all the time! I was never going to give up cable now! I can record automatically all the Law and Order SVU reruns. All the Friends reruns. It was great! But, man, was I paying for it! To the tune of about $130 a month!! Insane, right? However, we have always had cable and this just was a regular bill we always had to pay. We became numb to it.

When our financial situation started to change a couple of years ago, we started to reevaluate our bills. Cutting costs wherever we could. Groceries, entertainment, etc. I finally started taking a hard look at the cable bill. That $130/month just kept glaring at me. I called the cable demons company to see about lowering the bill. I wanted to cancel the premium movie channels. That would save about $30/month. Then they offered ALL those channels with a special price of $10/month for a year! SOLD! I was saving $20/month but had to commit to another year of service. But, we barely ever watched those channels!

It was in November of 2014 that I really started rethinking the cable thing. Technology has introduced some neat gadgets. I started doing my research and made up my mind that come January, when our contract was up, I was canceling our service. This was the reaction from my family…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Despite their wails and protests, I was determined. I knew there would be some upfront costs, but that we would recoup them within a couple of months. First step was to buy an antennae. Antennas have come a long way since the rabbit ears and freaky metal contraptions on your roof days. We purchased a flat, indoor HDTV antennae from Wal-Mart for $40. It’s signal reaches up to 60 miles. We put this in our attic. Next we needed a streaming device. A streaming device can keep 100’s of apps in one area. There are also Blu Ray players that allow you to stream content, as well as Smart TV’s. With any of these options, you need to connect to the Wifi in your house. We have 3 TVs in our house. Family room, Master bedroom and the kids playroom. You have to have a streaming device for each television. The kids have a Wii in the playroom, that can stream several apps, so I started doing my research for the other two televisions. There are quite a few options. This article, from Digital Trends, lists the best options for steaming media devices. We decided to go with the Roku 3, for our family room television and the Roku Stick, for the master bedroom. Both give you a couple thousand app choices, but the Roku 3 is more powerful, which we thought would be better for the main family television. Plus, the remote has a headphone jack, which is great when you get tired of listening to Pokemon all the time (which is Lil’ E’s fav show). When we purchased the Roku 3, it was $140. A bit steep, but I knew the money would be recouped within 2 months. The Roku Stick was a great deal at $39.99. It is slower than the more powerful Roku 3, but the master tv is not used as often, so it was something I could overlook.

Now that we had our streaming capabilites, we needed channels to stream. Netflix is a great option, at $7.99 a month. 1000’s of movies and television shows are offered. What’s even better is that there are no commercials! And just to add the cherry on top, Netflix has come out with some fantastic series of their own! Down side is that you have to wait several months for your favorite shows last seasons episodes to be added. Hulu was the next channel we subscribed to. What I love about Hulu is that it airs most of my shows newest episodes the day after they are aired. At $7.99 a month, it is another great option. However, you do have to “suffer” through commercials. Hulu has just rolled out a new commercial free plan for $11.99 a month, but personally, I would rather watch a few minutes of commercials than pay the additional money.We have subscribed to  Amazon Prime for a couple of years, mainly for the free 2 day shipping. The bonus to this membership is the automatic subscription to their Amazon Prime Instant Video. Again, 1000’s of movie and television show options. Amazon Prime membership is $99 a year. Breaking down, that is $8.25 a month. However, since we get the free 2 day shipping option and other perks from the membership, I would calculate that the streaming part breaks down to about $5 a month.

There are a few down sides to cutting the cable cord, of course. CBS has an app but has gotten greedy and requires a $5.99 a month subscription to it. This really bums me out, since there are several shows on CBS that I enjoy. There are quite a few apps that you need a cable company log in, to watch. If you are a huge sports fan, ESPN does have an app. However, you need a cable log in to watch it. There is a way to get these cable log in apps. GENX MAMA CONDONES ANY QUESTIONABLE/ILLEGAL ACTIVITY (I have to put that in there)! If you know someone, family member or friend, who is willing to let you hack into their cable account, share their cable account log in information, you can get all the apps you want.

There is also the DVR issue. TiVo has been a favorite DVR choice for years. Their products run from $49.99-$199.99. There is a $14.99 a month subscription fee for their services. Or, you can pay a 1 time $499.99 fee for life. That’s the life of the product, not your life. I have heard really great things about TiVo, but I’m just not willing to spend the extra money for the subscription. I have another option that I am trying to figure out. We still have a VCR (yeah, you know Gen X Mama likes it old skool!). It is hooked up to the family room television and we can watch movies on it, but I have tried, unsuccessfully, to record shows. I’m not sure what I am doing wrong, if it’s the digital thing or what. I am still trying to figure it out. I’ll keep y’all updated with any success.

So, let’s break it down…

Cable was costing us $130 a month, $1560 a year

Initial investment in equipment (antennae, Roku 3, Roku Streaming Stick), $220. We recouped this initial investment in less than 2 months.

Monthly subscriptions to Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime Instant Video, $20.98 a month, $251.76 a year.

$130.00 – $20.98 = $109.02/month savings

$1560.00 – $251.76 = $1308.24/yearly savings

WOW! I am quite impressed! There is also the immense satisfaction of not being tethered to the cable cord. It’s quite freeing, actually.

Bottom line, there are so many options now to enjoy tv without the high cost of cable. Better yet, turn the tv off and go enjoy the great outdoors!

GenX Mama

A little over a year ago, The Dude and I were on our front porch. We were sitting in a double rocking chair, holding hands, rocking away and discussing the changes we were doing to our landscaping in the front yard. It was just like any other day. But all of a sudden, I had a moment of clarity that has rocked my world ever since. My epiphany…

All my adult life, I always strived for bigger and better. The “finer” things in life. A nice, big house. Decorated to the T. The best minivan. My cherubs dressed in the finest clothes. My clothes, purses and shoes (oh, the shoes!), I wanted the best of the best. I wanted THE LABELS. I would swoon and kiss my mailman when he put my happiness in my mailbox. Catalogs. Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Restoration Hardware, Horchow, Land of Nod, etc. I would delight in these days. Pouring over them with the thirst of a lion making it’s kill of the day. I would circle items, tear out pages and walk around my home, decorating in my head and planning where each of these beautiful things would go. I wanted to be the envy of all. A picture perfect, beautiful, modern family. Sounds pretty delicious, right? One problem…

WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD THIS SHIT?

We certainly couldn’t! I have always been a frugal gal. I always shopped the sales. Any store I went into, I would immediately walk to the back and pour through the clearance section. In the early 2000’s, eBay was my best friend. I remember the first auction I won. It was for a set of Pottery Barn Kids flannel Christmas Santa sheets for then 2 yr old X Girl. I screamed in delight when I won that auction. Paid $44.00. I became hooked on eBay. Buying “Lots” of name brand clothes. Name brand home decor. NAME BRAND EVERYTHING. LABELS. LABELS. LABELS. I had completely fallen into the “Keeping up with the Joneses” trap. Except, I WANTED TO BE THE JONESES THAT EVERYONE FOLLOWED. Didn’t have the money? Phew, just put that on a credit card, baby! Remember this commercial?

Yeah, this was us for a while. Over the years and with maturity and age, it did get better. But, I still had that yearning. That desire to show off my pretty stuff. Here’s the problem…WHO THE FUCK WAS I TRYING TO SHOW OFF TO? My true friends didn’t care. Acquaintances? Neighbors? Hell, I didn’t even like those people!

Then, about two and a half years ago, the shit got real, y’all…

X Boy has severe ADHD with Asperger Tendencies. His medical bills, which most were not covered by insurance, started going up. At the same time, The Dude’s paychecks started going down. His company started cutting back hours and changing his pay scale. Add that to the fact that he had not had a raise in over 2 years, things started getting VERY tight.

We started making MAJOR lifestyle changes. These changes I will blog about on another day. But, as difficult as it has been, it was a blessing. Let’s go back to the porch…

As we were sitting there talking, my epiphany hit me. THIS is all I want out of life. The Dude and I, sitting on a porch together, holding hands. Hearing our children inside the house, playing together (oh, who am I kidding, they were fighting at the time, but still). What the hell have I been doing and wanting all these years, when what I TRULY wanted was what I already had. A family. A husband who adores me and loves me dearly (still thinking he needs to be mentally checked out at times). A man who is, seriously, the most amazing father, who cherishes his children and family. Three FANTASTIC children, each with their own unique personality, that are growing up healthy, happy and loved. A home that is filled with laughter and love. All of a sudden, the materialistic bullshit slipped away and I was left with a calmness and peace in my soul that I had never known.

This moment changed my life…FOREVER.

Seriously. I walked off that porch a new woman. I could care less about labels. I could care less about THINGS. Because, that’s all they are, THINGS. Possessions don’t define who I am, I DO. How I speak to people. How I love those in my life. How I try to care for those I see in pain. How I try to be a friend to all and smile to everyone, hoping that their day is a little brighter. I started telling everyone about my epiphany. I was shouting it from the rooftops! Fuck the Joneses! I don’t care about them! I don’t want to be like everyone else! I am GEN X MAMA! I am my own person! I am my own wacky, silly, goofy, loving, caring, honest, thoughtful, unique individual! The catalogs that come in the mail are thrown into the recycling bin. They don’t define me anymore. I don’t NEED anything in them. All of a sudden, the world around me looked very different.

Now, I crave a life of simplicity. Of calm. Peace. A life filled with family, friends, love and laughter. The Zac Brown Band (love them!),  has a song called Homegrown. There is a part of the song that has become my mantra:

It’s the weight that you carry from the things you think you want

It’s the weight that you carry from the things you think you need

I’ve got everything I need,

And nothing that I don’t.

These lyrics now define me. I don’t need fancy shoes, purses, clothes, NOTHING. I need my family. This amazing family that The Dude and I created. Literally, we created HUMAN BEINGS! NEW PEOPLE! When we met 21 years ago, they didn’t exist!

When you let go of all the bullshit and look around at the most important things in your life, YOUR FAMILY, life gets a lot less complicated. 

It saddens me that it took 38 years for me to realize this, but at the same time, it comforts me that it didn’t take 68 years to realize this! My life is content now. My heart is filled with love and peace. I count my blessings in my life and let me tell you, that number is high!

I’ve got everything I need and nothing that I don’t. 

PS The front yard landscaping? Instead of spending thousands of dollars, we simply cleaned out shrubs that were placed too close together, replanted them in other areas and ended up spending about $20. 

What is this strange artifact, Mom? 

 Summer has arrived. Picnics and pool parties have started. Kids are out of school. Kids are driving me nuts out of school. X Girl just completed her second year of middle school and I was a bit shocked to realize that she has one year left of middle school until…high school. I don’t even know how this has happened. It seems like she started middle school yesterday. And man, was I nervous about the whole starting middle school thing.

I hated middle school. Let me say that again. I. HATED. MIDDLE. SCHOOL. The braces. The acne. The hormones. The awkwardness. The classmates. I was a very awkward middle schooler. And unfortunately, there were some that enjoyed picking on my awkwardness. As if gingerly stepping through this uncomfortable time wasn’t bad enough, I had these asshats not only confirming my faults but also making sure that I was continually tortured for said faults for 3 years. To make matters worse, I lived in a more affluent, upper middle class area but was not affluent. You know the story…single, working her ass off mother. Latch key kid, blah, blah, blah. We could not afford all the coolest and best clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t lacking. My mom worked very hard to provide for me. But the extra cool clothes were not in my closet. And I paid for that.

Enter The Mean Girl.

Regina George? Naw. Lauren* was worse. There was no Burn Book. Lauren had no problem pulling me into her little torture chamber of ridicule and letting me know exactly what she thought of me. I was ugly. I was stupid. I was a loser. 3 years of hell. Daily. This girl craved fresh meat and my name was dripping off her teeth. She jollied others to join her. She was the worst of the worst. She was a bully. To this moment, some of her most horrible comments are ringing through my ears. And those comments had a lasting impression on me. And not for the good. I have carried some of these comments as badges of shame and it took a long time to move on from the impression they made on me.

Having grown and moved on from these scars of the past, I have been busy raising children. I have worked so hard for them to see themselves as the beautiful people they are. I have worked hard to raise them up and for their self esteem to rise above any negative comments made by those who try to tear them down. But, just as important, is to treat everyone with respect. To NEVER tear down anyone else. Treat everyone as you wish to be treated. Never judge. No bullying. Not only do I want them to have the self esteem I never had but I also want to make sure they never treat someone as I was treated.

A few weeks ago, I was chatting with X Girl and her BFF. They were sitting at the island watching me make dinner. We started talking about middle school politics. We talked about bullies. I told them a bit about my bully. There was talk about one friend and how she has been different this year. Not as nice. And the girls were bothered by this. I reminded them that this person may be going through her own difficult time that they are not aware of and you can never judge someone until you walk in their shoes. And of course, my statement hit me like a ton of bricks.

Lauren was horrible to me. But, was this a symptom of something greater in her own life? As an adult, should I make concessions for such things? Am I willing to forgive? Can I put the past behind me? Can I move on from something that I have carried for so long? Do I write her a FB message (so maybe I’ve checked out her page once.), reminding her of the hell she put me through at such an impressionable age and demand she own up to what she did to me and apologize? Or, do I accept the fact that we were both kids in an unsure, unstable and unpredictable time of our lives?

X Girl has enjoyed middle school. Aside from a few eye rolls and tears, she has grown into herself with dignity and grace. I’m proud of the young woman she is becoming. She takes most things with a grain of salt and let’s life’s little disputes roll off her back. I have much to learn from my baby girl.

*Name has been changed simply because I don’t want to get sued.

I am on the cusp of something new. Something different. And frankly, I’m not sure how I feel about it! In just a few days, my children will be going back to school. Now, this is normal. X Girl has been in school since ’06. I am used to back to school day. I make X Girl and X Boy a scrumptious, homemade breakfast (what are you laughing at! I really do!), have their backpacks packed and waiting in the mudroom with care. Lil’ E and I walk them to the bus stop, give hugs, kisses and well wishes for the first day of a new, great school year and wave to them as the bus pulls away and keep waving until it’s a tiny spec of yellow…

And then I dance the jig.

That’s right. I dance the jig. They are gone! I have a whole, glorious day to myself and Lil’ E, five days a week! There is no fighting. There is no, “Mom! X Boy was in my room!” or “Mom! X Girl hit me and told me she’s going to stab me!” or the pushing or yelling or screaming or crying. NOTHING! It’s wonderful!

Of course I love my children. But they just need to be gone for a few hours! I have always enjoyed the extra time with the little one at home. It’s my special time with that little one and each of my children have gotten that special time during the day with Mommy. And that’s how it’s always been.

However, this year will be different. In GA, where I live, the state has a wonderful Pre-K program for 4 yr. olds. For free. Universal Pre-K. Every 4 yr old is eligible. And it is all day, six and a half hours a day, five days a week. So let’s do the math, shall we? X Girl will be gone all day at middle school. X Boy will be gone all day at elementary school. Lil’ E will be gone all day at Pre-K. I will be left home with…no one. That’s right. For the first time since I became a mother, I will not have a child at home for most of the day to care for. 12 years. That’s how long I have been a mother with a baby at home. When X Girl started Kindergarten, I had X Boy at home. When X Boy started Kindergarten, I had Lil’ E at home. Now I have no one.

I know what you guys are thinking…”And this is bad…why?”

I’m not sure how to feel about this. On one had, I am excited. For three years, I have been taking classes on a part-time basis. I can throw my whole weight into it now, really buckle down and finish this blessed degree sometime before my death. I can have lunch with a friend without taking crackers, crayons and books with me. I can go grocery shopping without hearing 50,000 times “Mommy can I get this?”. I can turn Pandora up as loud as I want while picking up without worrying if the music will wake the napping babe upstairs. I can go to the mall stroller free. I can take a shower without an audience. I can go all day without hearing that mouse say “Wanna come inside my clubhouse?”. I can go for a walk with friends. I can wander around a bookstore for as long as I want. I can wander around IKEA as long as I want. The possibilities are endless! But even now, as I sit here writing this list of all I will be free to do, it is done with a heavy heart.

I feel like the job I have held for 12 years is over. Of course, I am still a mother. Of course I still have years of values and virtues to entrust to these little souls. But, one of the biggest parts of my job is over. I have been a full-time stay at home mommy for years. I even had initials; SAHM. But when you don’t have children at home to take care of, where does that leave you? Where does it leave me?

I am in mourning. As crazy as my children have made me, I have loved every second with them. Each one of them. And now, as I sit here writing this, I am filled with regrets. Did I spend enough time with each of them? Did we play enough? Did I take advantage of every innocent moment I could? I know I have done a fine job, but the “Did I’s” and “What if’s” always seem to creep up.

This obviously is a testament to life. How we are constantly changing, growing, evolving. When one door closes, another opens. A huge part of my life, of who I am, is over. I am left with trying to figure out the next step.

Will I dance the jig at the bus stop this year? I doubt it. I think I will be a bit too emotional as I walk into an empty house. But I’m not too worried. I’ll get my dancing shoes back on in no time.

How do you make a house a home? I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately. My own family is still adjusting to our new house. Unpacking boxes, trying to figure out where to put the possessions we brought from our last home, placing furniture in just the right areas, painting, hanging pictures, etc. Trying to make ourselves feel like this new building is comfortable and a home. It takes time. Putting the pieces of your life that have been in boxes in just the right places can be hard, especially when you want to put them in the places they were before.

Growing up, there were five different homes that I lived in, that I can remember. The earliest memory of a home was when I was 4. I know there were several before that, but for the time being, let’s stick with five. I envied the people who were born and raised in one house. I thought that was the coolest thing. For the parents and their kids. I always said to myself I would love to do that when I grow up. My future husband and I would buy a house on a quiet, tree-lined street with sidewalks. We would raise our children in that house. Watch their first steps in one living room, celebrate holidays and special occasions in one dining room and toast our Golden Anniversary in the same house, surrounded by our grown children and grandchildren. Grow old and die in that house.

For the record, The Dude and I are now living in our fourth house. So much for that fantasy.

Because I had such a warped sense of adulthood as a child, I have grown emotionally attached with each home we have lived in. With the exception of our current house, we brought a baby home to each house (THIS house has a strict no new babies rule). I watched in blissful happiness X Girl and X Boy take their first steps in the living room of our second house and Lil’ E take his first steps in the living room of our third house. Each house was filled with happy memories and it was painful to leave them. If you know anything about me from the blog, I can be quite sentimental.

This past weekend, my father and stepmother moved out of the house they had owned for 25 years. It was bittersweet for my stepmother. All their children and most of their grandchildren are grown. It was just the two of them. There was too much maintenance for them to deal with. The house was too big for them and they were needing something smaller with less upkeep for the two of them. My stepmother and I talked about the upcoming move during a recent visit. We were talking about all the happy memories that those walls held (I am assuming that she was not counting the time her then 18 yr old stepdaughter got arrested for trying to get a fake ID as a happy memory. But I have no idea who that is.) and all the important people in her life that the roof had sheltered. As I hugged her, I told her that no matter where you are, as long as you are surrounded by the people who you love, you are home. A house is four walls and a roof. A HOME is what you put in those four walls and roof. There will be many new memories to make. There are still good times to be had (according to Shelby from Steele Magnolias). Home truly is where the heart is.

As I sit here reflecting on the advice I gave my stepmother just a few weeks ago, I find it ironic that I can dish out the advice (quite well, I might add!), but had not thought to take it. We live in a house. It has four walls and a roof. But what is important is what is inside of the house. My family. That is why each house we have owned has had such sentimental value to me. We moved into each house and made it our home. The place we know we can always go for love, comfort, security and support. This house is becoming our home. It is filled with love, laughter, happiness and the occasional “I hate it here! I want to move back to NY!”. It is already chock full of smiles, jokes, kisses and hugs. We DID bring a new baby into this house, our puppy, X Dog. Life is good. Life is full. Life is what you make of it. And that, is how you make a house a home.