Gen X Mama

So, in 8 days I will participate in my first 5k. I’ll be honest, I am not that optimistic about it. I know I am not going to be able to run the entire 3.1 miles. HOWEVER, I have great confidence that I will finish it. I know I will be running at the starting line and I know I will be running when I cross the finish line. What happens in-between is not a big deal. I am totally fine with that. I am just proud of myself for getting my ass off the couch and doing something!

A friend of mine who is a runner was in town last week. We were talking about my upcoming race and she was telling me about shirts with funny quotes she had seen in races. Last night she sent me a few emails with some good quote suggestions for me to make my own shirt. They were awesome! Here are just a few:

~Why are you all chasing me?

~Will run for cookies.

~Are we there yet?

~Running: Cheaper than therapy.

~If found on ground, please drag to finish line.

She’s quite fabulous, isn’t she? Well, of course it got me thinking…what would be some good Gen X Mama running phrases? So, I compiled a list and here they are, in no particular order:

~I’m running…AWAY!

~Will run for wine.

~Does my ass look jiggly in these shorts?

~I’m running away from my kids.

~Yes, I am slow. I am a Mom and this is my quiet time.

~If found passed out, please give wine intravenously.

~I’m running slow so my mascara won’t run.

~The Dude is so proud of me for running this race! He’ll probably want sex afterwards. I should stop now.

~Don’t pay attention to the woman getting into the car.

~When I am finished, I prefer drinking my wine with a crazy straw in the bottle.

I’m ready for this!

Last week I had an interesting conversation with a close friend. I was discussing (oh, all right, I was whining) about some of the hiccups that have occurred in the past 10 weeks since our family had uprooted our lives and moved 1000 miles away. Some little, some big. All just different from our life before. Most I was prepared for, some I was not. She asked me an interesting question. She asked if I thought that moving had been a mistake. Well, of course in true Gen X Mama fashion, I was immediately annoyed by this question. Even if I did think it was a mistake, there is nothing I can do about it now! I mean, c’mon! We moved. We can’t just up and leave again two months into this gig.

But, over the past few days, I have given her question more thought. Did we make a mistake? This move was not mandatory for The Dude’s job. His company did not require us to transfer here. This was a decision we made of our own free will. The opportunities here are much better for the advancement of his career, but overall, this was a voluntary decision. We had a very good life in NY. We were surrounded by family. Most of the time that was good, other times, not so much (but that is a whole other discussion!). The kids were in a great school. I was active in our temple. We had an amazing circle of friends. Life was good. We were happy.

It took The Dude and I two years of endless research and discussions to make this decision. Back and forth debates. Several ups and many downs. Would we find a town that we like as much as the one we lived in? Another house where we could make a home in? Friendships and kindred spirits that could relate to all of our quirkiness? And what about the kids? Lil’ E was young enough to adjust fairly quickly, but what about X Girl and X Boy? Were we going to ruin their lives? Was a move going to send them over the therapists couch edge (I mean more than we already have.)? There were thousands of questions but not many answers. But, we decided to go ahead and take the plunge.

So, here we are, 10 weeks later and I am pondering this question. Did we make a mistake? For the sake of my kids, I can’t doubt or question this move. It absolutely was the right decision. But, there are times, when I am alone, that I do question this decision. Like when I am having a hard time finding a pediatrician that was as amazing as Dr. Green was. Or when I am searching for a preschool that will offer everything that I am looking for, for Lil’ E. The rare nights when The Dude is actually not falling asleep on the couch and we could actually go out and spend some time together, but we left the best babysitter in the world in NY. Or the evenings when I could really, REALLY use a girls night out with nosh, wine and my gals but there’s no one to call. Will everything in our new life fall into place? And if so, when, because I am very impatient.

These are the hard times. The times when I think to myself “What the fuck have we done?”. It’s those times that bring a few tears to my eyes. Where I feel lonely, helpless and confused. When I sit and mourn the life I once had and feel daunted and overwhelmed at the thought of starting a new life here. Having to gingerly put myself out there again. Slowly having to expose myself and hoping beyond hope to make a connection with someone who I can be me with. I swear making new friends is more brutal than dating.

It’s all these things that bring me back to my friends question “Do you think you made a mistake moving?”.  And I doubt myself. I worry about the decision that I played a part in making. I worry about my children. I fret. I’m scared. I know MANY people who have started over in a new place, and they all seem to adjust very well. They all made a new life for themselves. I worry often if my family can do this also. However, when your almost 11-year-old daughter bounces into the house as you are blogging about your worries and announces that she was invited over to a new friends house and rushes on to talk about her day at school and mentioning all these new names of friends at school, I can’t help but smile and know in my heart that we are all going to be ok. And when life does hand you lemons, add some vodka to the lemonade. That always helps.

Let me tell you a bit about the people I choose to surround myself with. They are the definition of awesomeness. Each in their own way. Paul Childs, husband to the iconic Julia Childs, once said that his wife was “The butter to my bread” (OK, not sure if this is 100% accurate, but he said it in the movie Julie and Julia. You check out the historical accuracy and get back to me. I’m busy writing here!). Aside from the fact that I wonder if The Dude has ever used such an endearing phrase to describe me, this is how I think of my circle of friends. They are the butter to my bread. The glue that holds me together.

In my new quest to run a 5K and to achieve my ultimate goal of becoming a runner, they have all once again showed me their love and support. But what many of them do not realize is that, aside from their encouraging words, their actions and how they live their lives, is an inspiration to me. Let me tell you a bit about some of them:

Jaime –  Jaime took up running several years ago. She went from jogging a little bit to running 5K’s and then less than a year ago, she completed her first half marathon. She sent out an email several weeks before her race and asked people to send back inspirational and encouraging words for her to carry with her during her race. She got by with a little help from her friends.

Aunt Sue – Sue is my mothers younger sister. I will not divulge her age on this public forum for fear of a beating, but let’s just say she has two children, one out of college for a year (who also has started a kick ass career in the fashion industry) and another about to enter his junior year in college. Again, you do the math.  Sue and her husband have always stayed active and fit. Well, less than two years ago, Sue decided to do a little race. THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON! Yes, that’s right. My ??something aunt ran one of if not the most famous marathons. 26.2 miles. I look at her and think “If she can do it, so can I!”  We have the same DNA for goodness sakes! Now granted, that is something that is YEARS away.  But she has truly been an inspiration to me and I aspire to accomplish what she has.

Jennifer – A couple of years ago, I had this great idea to get up before the kids and exercise. Yeah…that lasted for about a week. If that. But I shared this idea with Jennifer, who thought it was a great idea, and proceeded to do the same thing. And of course, she rock starred it! Jennifer got up religiously 5 mornings a week to exercise. She has a determination and willpower that amazes me over and over again. I marvel at her accomplishment.

Erin – Erin has only recently come into my life. Realtor guru by day. Cyclist and runner extraordinaire by night. Erin and her husband travel all over with their racing team competing in different races. Erin is currently training for a half marathon. Together, we are taking a 5K training clinic. I know Erin’s speed and endurance surpasses mine, yet sweet Erin stays by my side when we train together. What makes Erin even more stunning to me is what you don’t see. In 2003, at the age of 27, Erin was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Less than a year later, she started her own charity, where every cent raised goes to MS research. Her racing team has grown and Erin’s Fight has raised over $150,000. She is a stunning woman in every capacity and I am honored to call her my friend. *To learn more about Erin’s Fight or to make a donation, please go to http://erinsfight.org/ *

The Dude – My backbone. My rock. Every time I fall down, he lifts me back up, dusts me off and encourages me to keep going. He supports me, encourages me, loves me and puts up with me. That in itself is a noble quality. ‘Nuff said.

These women are just a very small sprinkling of the people in my life that I treasure. Their strength, determination and perseverance give me that extra bit of will power that I need. They believe in me even when I may not. They give words of encouragement and support. I would be lost without them. When I lace up my sneakers and face that long, tiring road, I know I am being carried by the thoughts and strength of  my circle of friends.

I am drastically overweight and out of shape. I am about 800lbs overweight. Walking up 2 steps gives me exhaustion that can only be cured with Double Stuff’d Oreos. I congratulate myself when working out by eating a pie.

OK, so I am exaturating…a little bit. Realistically, I need to lose 40-50lbs. I am out of shape. I am always using the excuse that my weight gain is because I just had Lil’ E. He is now 3. I need to either have a new baby, find a better excuse, or just stop whining about my weight and do something about it. I personally feel that option 2 is the best way to go. But, I know that is the lazy girls way and short of having a baby (yeah, right! This womb is closed for business. FOREVER), obviously the best way to go would be to start getting in shape and losing the weight.

I would love to start running. Whenever I see runners, they seem so into it. Like zoned in on what they are doing and lost in their thoughts. These people look so serene and at peace. Very zen. It looks like such a great way to get in shape. So, what is the best way to get started? Have a friend talk you into running a 5K with her in four weeks (GULP).

In 2000, Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson starred in a romantic comedy called What Women Want. The basic story is about a narcissistic chauvinistic ad exec who can read women’s minds because he was zapped by lightning during a drunken cross dressing night. It’s a cute movie. But this is not a movie review. Towards the end of the film, Gibson gives a sales pitch to Nike’s Women Division. Here’s the clip from You Tube http://youtu.be/QyO6ayCb5rEYouTube (ignore the subtitles on the bottom)

I love this ad. As far as I know, Nike never really used this ad, but I wish they had. It totally makes me feel empowered to start running. There is just one problem. I AM LAZY. Oh yes. I will not mince words here. I can think of 50,000 things I would rather do than run. Here is a short list, in no particular order, of things I would prefer to do instead of taking a jog.

1. Sit on the couch, stuffing my face with chips and guacamole, watching LOST episodes on Netflix.

2. Drink wine.

3. Sit on a bench watching Wal-Mart people.

4. Sit on the floor cleaning my toilet. With my tongue.

5. Sit on the couch, eating Double Stuff’d Oreos, while watching The Goonies on Netflix.

6. Drink wine.

7. Sit and read all about what Brad and Angelina and the time and the color of their morning BM’s, in People magazine.

8. Stick hot shards of glass in my eye.

9. Drink wine.

10. Sit and blog about what I would rather do than run.

I think that sums it up pretty well. Problem is, I am still here, in fattyville, wanting the weight to magically disappear. What to do…

I guess I have no choice here. I must get up from my continuous sitting down position, put down the wine glass (GULP), pull up my big girl underpants (oh yes, they are quite big), and lace up my sneakers. And please, if you do happen to notice me passed out on the side of the road, just give The Dude the heads up.

I still don’t know exactly what this blog is about. But then again, I don’t think it needs to have a specific theme. I just feel the need to write out the random thoughts going through my mind and send them out into the endless void out there known as the internet. Infesting the world with my thoughts. And since I have been on hiatus for a while, it’s time to dive right back in.

So. A funny thing happened to me yesterday while enjoying my morning cup of joe. This past week I was visiting dearly loved family and was savoring the time left with them along with my legal stimulant addiction. Somehow, the conversation turned to politics and religion. A bit heavy for 8:00 am, eh? In one corner you had my cousin. An amazing, intelligent , savvy woman. Who also happens to be a staunch Christian, Conservative, Tea Party member. In the other corner you had moi, a sexy, classy, equally intelligent woman. Who happens to be THE staunch Liberal, Yankee, Jew. Oh yeah, it was on! We both brought it. She’s yelling her views, I’m yelling my views. It actually did get quite loud for a while. Meanwhile, innocent bystander cousin #2, who was caught in the crossfire was writing on FB that it was too early for this.

I’m not going to get into the details of what was said, especially since I don’t remember 3/4 of it. In the end though, there were no hard feelings. We finished our feisty debate and continued with the day. Now of course, one of the main reasons we were able to talk to each other again once we each wiped the mud off our faces, was simply because we are family. We respect each others opinions. We may not agree with each others opinions, but we respect each other. I knew that I would not be able to convince her I was right. Just as she knew the same. I will say though, that we BOTH made a comment or two that gave both of us pause and we were able to reflect on this later.

But this whole encounter did give me a major aspect to ponder. The simple fact that two people, two WOMEN, were able to convey two different opinions to each other is simply what this country is about. Freedom to have your own beliefs. Your own thoughts. And to have the freedom to share those. Some may not agree with said beliefs and ideas, but to have the freedom to say them is precious. The fact that I can write this blog and share my ideas with the world is important. Not so much that my ideas are important, but the fact that I can give them as often as I please. You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t have to listen to me. But it is my RIGHT as an American to share these views if I want and without fear of persecution from our government. It is a right that I take for granted a lot and forget to appreciate. Because of this debate with my cousin, I was able to remember that and smile.

It is quite sad that it has been six months since I have made a post to this blog. Busy? Yes. Nothing to say? Please.

Life has been hectic. And I had to put my blog on hold, much to the dismay of my faithful readers (you know, all 3 of you).  The Dude and I moved our family 1000 miles away from NY to GA for The Dudes career. X kids were not pleased. I did quite enjoy hearing the screaming coming from X Girl over the months and I quote…”Thanks for ruining my life Mom.” Well, your welcome daughter. X Baby is fine and X Boy is just excited that one of our bribes is a new dog, which we will fulfill soon.

Overall though, the X family is adjusting well and I look forward to sharing the trials and tribulations with all of you about a mom trying to hold it all together with a smile and headphones once again.

Let’s travel back in time, shall we? To a better place, a world of peace, let’s travel to…2005.

It’s August 31, 2005. Evening. I am the mother of an adorable, sweet boy who just turned 2 a couple weeks before, and the mother to a precious daughter who is one day shy of her 5th birthday. The Dude is upstairs getting X Girl and X Boy ready for bed. I am bustling around the house cleaning and cooking in preparation for X Girl’s birthday festivities the next day. All of a sudden, I hear excited yelling coming from upstairs and my name being shouted to “Come quick!” I race up the stairs, preparing myself for the worst, a finger that has been severed and laying in a bloody mess possibly (let’s face it, The Dude was doing the supervision with the children and well…you never know…)? I race into X Girl’s room to find her jumping up and down with a bloody mouth. Before my heart fully stops, X Girl thrusts her little hand in front of me and say’s “Look Mommy! My tooth fell out!” And sure enough, it did. The tooth had been loose for several weeks and now, on the cusp of her 5th year of life, it had come out. I gingerly picked up this little piece of enamel as she started screaming “The Tooth Fairy is coming tonight!”

After the Tooth Fairy left that night, I was holding this little tooth in my room, staring at it in amazement. This tiny little tooth was the first one she got (btw, to the parents who have not been through this yet, the teeth fall out in the order they came in. Best you know this now instead of making the statement in amazement to your child’s ped. and having her look at you like your a moron when she say’s “yeah, they come out in the order they came in.) and gave me so much grief! But when it finally came through, I was so ecstatic by her little one tooth grin. I took such care in brushing that one little tooth. Keeping it clean. And now it’s gone? What do I do with it? Just throw out this piece of my daughter that I had taken such good care of? No, being the sap and deranged woman I am, I got a little jewelry box, documented the date, and threw the tooth in. I have been saving all her other teeth in there ever since and keep the box on a high shelf in my closet.

Fast forward 5 years, 4 months later.

After returning home from a weekend vaca (BY.MY.SELF.) The Dude and I were in our bathroom talking as I was unpacking my suitcase. He casually…CASUALLY say’s “BTW, X Girl was in our closet last night while getting ready for her shower and was looking around for a picture of you because she missed you (yeah right! The girl was snooping for presents!) and she found her teeth and now knows that there is no Tooth Fairy.” Ummm….I’m sorry…say that again? WHAT! I grill the man for hours under a hot lamp, depriving him of food and water until he tells me what I want to know. I ask him for specifics of the conversation. This is what I get:

“Ummm…I don’t know. She was sad and said that she knew we were the Tooth Fairy and I told her yes. And that we love her…ummm…I don’t know.” Seriously? I mean SERIOUSLY? Why would you not take minutes of this conversation that has destroyed our first born’s innocence? You are fired! That’s it. I’m Donald Trumping your ass! You are just frickin fired!

Facing her was even worse. Having to look my child in the eyes and admit that we had been lying to her for years? Not fun! She looked sad, hurt, betrayed. I felt awful. But, it was bound to happen. I have spent 10 years telling the girl lie after lie, in the name of “good parenting”. Joke was on me.

*Addendum* Here’s a question for you readers. The Dude and I seem to disagree (big shocker!) on what to do next. The girl still has teeth to lose. Do we continue giving her money? Does she still put it under her pillow? I mean, the jig is up. Does she just hand over the tooth when it comes out and we fork over $? Or, do we, as I have suggested, end it? She knows the truth, it’s over. There is no tooth fairy, it’s Mom and Dad, this is what happens when you snoop in our closet. The end. Opinions?

*The opinions and comments of this blog are those of the author…which is me. While you may not agree with my opinions and your beliefs may differ from mine, I ask that you RESPECT my comments, even if you don’t agree with them, as I RESPECT yours.*

I am a Jew. My mother’s family is Jewish. My father’s family is Catholic. I was raised in a Unitarian-Universalist church. But, I am a Jew. The Dude is Atheist. The kids are Jews. We belong to a temple. XGirl and XBoy both attend Sunday School (much to their dismay). X Girl attends Hebrew School one night a week (much to her dismay). I have my beliefs. The Dude has his beliefs. It all seems to just work out. However, once November rolls around, people are so confused by our family they don’t know what to do with us! Why? We celebrate both holidays. The menorahs are mixed in with the Xmas lights. It’s Hanukkah and I have been dreaming of latkes, candles and happy memories with my family. The kids getso excited for Hanukkah. They love it!  The day before Thanksgiving we decorated our house for Hanukkah. This basically means we put out our 50,000 or so menorahs out, 50 billion driedels, the Hanukkah placemats I found at Pottery Barn Kids and various crafts that the kids have done over the years. Each menorah has special meaning and memories to us. We have such a nice time during this holiday.

Then there is Xmas. THIS is The Dude’s FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR! I love Xmas! We deck the house out! A tall slim tree in the foyer, a 6 ft tree for the kids in the basement and our big 9ft family tree in the family room. Every ornament on our tree is significant. Our tree is filled with memories. Ornaments with meaning and memories attached to them.

Like the Winnie the Pooh ornament from 1997 that we got in memory of a dear, close friend who died suddenly that fall. Wendy loved Winnie the Pooh.

Or the ornament that X Girl picked out to celebrate the birth of her baby brother in 2008.

Our stockings that are hung by the fireplace with care were all handmade by my mother in law. They truly are a labor of love.

And then of course there are the hundreds of handmade ornaments the kids have done over the years. Our tree is a symbol of the family The Dude and I created together over 15 years ago. It’s a testament of our love and happiness through the years. It’s our memory lane.

Xmas is not religious for us. It is our own time of togetherness as a family. Just like any other holiday.  However, there are many Jews and Christians that have a problem with our participation in Xmas. “You are confusing the kids” Yeah, I don’t think so. “If you can’t accept Jesus Christ as your savior, you can’t celebrate Xmas.” Really? Who is gonna stop me? Seriously, it’s a great, fun time of year! I love it! Why do you care what I do? It saddens me that people can be so judgemental.

Then there is the “correct” way to greet me this time of year. I don’t really care! Say Happy Hanukkah! Say Merry Christmas! Say Happy Holidays! Just DON’T say Hey Bitch (well, most probably will). But, for more on this, please visit my fellow mommy blogger Mom-in-a-Million’s post on holiday greetings http://www.mom-in-a-million.com/2010/11/happy-holidays/.

December is a magical time of year. Spend it with your family. Enjoy the love that is keeping you warm. Be thankful. Be happy!

With Thanksgiving is upon us, I have sat and reflected on what I am most thankful for:

1. WINE

2. A roof over my head that does not leak.

3. Earbuds for my iPod that drown out the screaming of my children.

4. A basement door that keeps said children downstairs.

5. WINE

6. A sexy husband who thinks I am still sexy after birthing 3 children.

7. A minivan that has a backup camera because…well…people with driving skills like myself need it.

8. An amazing support system of family and friends who truly believe in me and my goals.

9. 7:50am

10. My DVR

11. WINE

12. Facebook & Twitter

13. #wineparty

14. 7:30pm

15. WINE

16. LOST on streaming Netflix

17. Girl’s Night Out

18. Toilet plunger

19. Amazing children that drive me to drink…

20. WINE

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!